We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
