if you like me you must not know who I am
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
