i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
