The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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