Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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