my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
