morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
