last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize