Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
