Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
