peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
