If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
