hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
