just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
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My vagina supports interfraternal relations
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
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He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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