Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
