I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
