There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
