Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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