I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I have feelings that need drinking.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
