what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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