Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
