you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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