Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
