Are we in a gay sports bar?
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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