I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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