I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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