I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
