I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
