so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
