Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
there is glitter all over my balls
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