Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
