I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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