i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
