I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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