lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
