I wish they made helmets for livers.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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