dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
