If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs