I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?