my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.