i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?