You're completely useless in the revolution.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize