im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
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I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
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I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption