I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
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He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
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Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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