WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
