I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
