Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I puked a lego.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
