Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i think my tv is drunk
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
