I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
