Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
