Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Holy shit dude........stairs
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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