Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
