oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
