I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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