I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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