somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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