Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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