new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
