wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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