I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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