i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
