hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
