if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
