im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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