the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
