So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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