I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
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At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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