She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
