How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
