It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
