Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
