i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
