I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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