if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
