barbara walters just said penis...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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