i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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