Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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