she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Randomize
