Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
