Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
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