So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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