This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
