so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just high enough for therapy.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize