y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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