Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
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We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
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