my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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