...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
