So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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