did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
