I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
