Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
