i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
