I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
