Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
