Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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