We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
