Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
