No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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