We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
