I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
