You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
