also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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